I give up

Well, I don't give up completely. But I do give up trying to post on a regular basis. I guess I started this because I needed an outlet. I was suffering from depression, I couldn't figure out why my life wasn't together the way I wanted, and had no idea what to do with myself. After the divorce I finally got control of my depression and haven't had too many episodes since. I'd finally lost all my weight, learned to enjoy life and myself again, gained so many hobbies and friends, and found a career that I'm passionate about every day. I guess now I don't really need it as an outlet anymore, but that's not to say I'll stop completely, plus I think some kind of consistent blogging is good for the soul. I still have so much to work on (of which I'll have to catch everyone up on later) and I think writing and drawing will help. I do enjoy it for the sake of getting to draw and have fun with it. So I guess for that reason I'll keep posting as much as I can, and because I know of at least a few people who enjoy reading it. :)  Just don't expect anything regular from me. It's in my calendar for Monday nights. We'll see how well that goes. I have so much going on every day that it's a freaking miracle I have time for anything. Also, seems every time I post, something major has changed in my life....aaaand of course this time is no different.

I'll try to keep it simple.

Sold my car. I'll miss that awesome little red thing, but the repairs were more than it was worth. I also just didn't need it. I lived in the city and, since I was now way more active, used the bus, biked, roller bladed, or ran/walked everywhere. It served me well for 11yrs, and now the young girl commuting to college will get to enjoy it as well.

I kept the Head Baker job throughout the school year. I loved it. Turns out, I loved it so much that I came to realize that's what I should have been doing all this damn time. Thanks for the heads up, Life. Would have been nice to have gotten that memo sooner.

I'd been baking since I was 11 years old. Hell, my first project was a jelly roll...which is impressive for 11. I remember my mom handing me the recipe and saying "This is a bit out of my realm, so here's the recipe. You remember how I taught you to follow them, so do that and good luck!" I still have the photo of my finished dessert. I guess it never dawned on me to do it as a career choice, but being artistic and very much into the 3 dimensions, as far as mediums go, it fit so perfectly. I still sew plushies. I'll never not love them, but it's very much a hobby now. I think about baking and decorating constantly. Everything I see inspires me and keeps my brain always wondering how I can make it into something delicious and pretty.

I was able to finish off my Certificate of Major after that year. I really wanted to at least get it so I could have that sense of accomplishment, and finishing what I started. And, now if I every truly want to go further into Psychology, I don't have to start over. Things were going fairly well.

Husky and I continued to date and see each other every weekend. Then, right around the beginning of the year, in my final semester, he threw an interesting wrench into the mix...

Now, as much as I've ALWAYS wanted to move to California, I didn't actually give him an answer right away. I knew how serious of a change this was going to be. It took about 2 months of thinking of all my options before I answered. Moving away meant that I'd be leaving behind everything I'd currently known: all my friends I'd made after the divorce who'd been there for me, my job that I loved so much, and my current way of life. It took some time to remind myself of how adaptable I am and that I would likely survive if I moved. It also took some time to realize I'd probably be more unhappy to loose someone who I'd felt such a strong connection with.

So I finally told him I would make the move with him....

....so long as my cats came too. :3

My friends were sad, of course, as was I. But everyone was very supportive. Even my job was really happy for me. Hell, most people were downright jealous. We'd all just gone through one of the worst winters for the area. Days at -55°F is just inhumane. As much as I love snow, I was done with the winter cold.

We packed up and drove down together. Most of it went fairly smoothly and I have to say, it's almost everything I'd ever hoped for from CA. It's not the coast, which would be awesome, but the desert has perks too. There's zero humidity, but all the sunshine. I can't tell you how much I love that. I eventually cut my hair into a short A-line, which was nice.

Then I cut it again. Lol. Cause it was still in my way.

There's so many places to rock climb and hike that we'll never, ever be bored again. We've already climbed the highest peak in the lower 48 twice (Mount Whitney).

It's also such a small town that I can continue to bike or roller blade everywhere if I want to.

I can pretty much run all year long. In fact, I spent the majority of our first February in a tank top. My goal for a marathon in Death Valley is back on track, after a few bumps and hiccups. My diet and exercise tanked during the first year and a half as I adjusted to my new life. I ended up turning to emotional eating as I have done in the past. 

I didn't really consider it a problem until it grew too big to ignore. I finally brought it up with my therapist, was referred to a specialist, and was told I had a chemical addiction to sugar that was causing me to have a food addiction and the compulsive overeating issues is been struggling with for years now. I'll have to go into this at a later time, but for now it seems like I'm back on the right path. I've been regularly attending OA meetings now, which has helped a lot with really being honest with myself about my problem. I also converted to the philosophy of Buddhism (not the religion that some do) and have been using my daily meditations to help with this as well as everything else in my life. It's improved things drastically.

Even the cats have gotten used to it. They get free reign to a nice, little fenced in back yard.....to which I was a slave to the back door for, until I recently got smart and installed a cat door....which took some time to learn. 

I also get them regularly groomed, since the heat can be a bit much for them. I think they enjoy being tiny lions.

It took about a month to find work, which turned out to be the biggest challenge. There are no bakeries here. After about 4 months I'd decided I would just start my own. It took 2 months to get all the licensing and logistics to work out of the home. I'm slowly working on ways to move to a physical location. That takes time and locations out here aren't cheap. For now the home works in the in-between phase, and I'm still treated as a real business as far as the law is concerned. I get visited every semester by the county health inspector, which is 'always' such a joy. Regardless, I've now been the proud Owner and Executive Pastry Chef of The Enchanted Whisk for 2.5 years. I do that full-time in the evenings and some weekends, while I hold another full-time job during the day to help pay off my loans. It's nothing special; just a job in accounting. But between working full-time hours in the Bakery, full-time hours in a second job, weekly get-togethers with new friends, and adventuring somewhere with Husky, I never have a single dull moment.

And I wouldn't have it any other way. Although I know Husky and my mother would say differently. They think I'm doing too much. Hah. That's for normal people.