Heart 1 Brain 0

Husky asked me out this weekend.

I said yes.

 

Obviously, more was said than that, but that was pretty much the most important part. Lol.

I should back up and explain what I had to mentally go through, the week before, because I had this feeling he would ask since we'd been getting along so well....though my ego would like to think it was my super awesome, cute outfit choice...

After I got back from Husky's city, last week, I attended class as usual, practiced rugby, worked in the lab, did homework, and did my cleaning job. It was a usual week. Meanwhile my brain and my heart were in constant disagreement about what to do with my current situation.

I was still feeling scared about the prospect of a relationship and I wasn't sure if that was a normal feeling to have, after everything I've been through, or if it was something trying to tell me I still wasn't ready yet. I enlisted the help of Stan and he told me he didn't think the world was so black and white, and that if I liked him I should go for it. I still wasn't fully sure though. My heart knew he was good, and already superior to my last few relationships, but my brain could only remember all the shit I went through with those last few relationships. I'm still healing from some of it. :/ Some men can be complete jerks and it was a hard lesson for me to learn.
I'm not saying Husky is utterly amazing with no faults whatsoever. But based on my more recent past relationships he already matches up with me far better than any of them ever did. This gave Heart the firepower it needed against Brain, to get it to stop looking at the situation with blinders on.

So since Heart won this round I went with its choice. Am I still super nervous? Hell yes. But Stan also pointed out that what happened before shouldn't have any influence on someone new. I think it's just the idea of relationships that scare me because they unfortunately only remind me of terrible feelings of hurt now. I'm happier now and certainly more confident in myself and what I can do by myself, but I imagine a good relationship with someone who knows how to actually treat me properly will show Brain that not all guys are jerks who don't care how much they can hurt me. I tried to relax about the matter by listening to lots of music.

I was eventually coming to terms with all of this the day before heading back to see Husky. At the last minute I found out I wasn't able to travel with my team to Indiana for the away game. I haven't received transcripts from my old college and high school yet to prove I wasn't on a previous rugby team, so until they arrive I can't play. As a result playable players got priority on car seats. I was disappointed but it meant I could leave a day early a day early and spend more time with Husky. Turned out to be a good thing. Husky asked me to date him Friday night and here's how the rest of my weekend went...

We went to a geek themed burlesque show, where pretty girls in Star Trek, Dr. Who, and other geeky awesomeness stripped and danced a la burlesque style.

We went for a 4mi run the next morning.

And then rested for an hour before heading out again...

He then showed me around the area and all the cool businesses near him, where there were tons of awesome niche shops for me to get artsy ideas.

We then came home and enjoyed the spoils of our cheese shopping while watching anime.

In the evening he took me to see Batman, which is always a great way to gain points.

Sunday was spent climbing all day again. 

Poor guy isn't used to Wisconsin cold weather yet. So I helped out a bit.

After we returned that evening we had dinner, more cheese and of course more cartoons.

As you can see, I think Heart made a good call this time.

Climbing with hornets does not = smart

So I just got back today from my climbing trip with the date I had last weekend and his climbing club. And hey, look at that! New post within a week. Go me.
In case no one read the last post this guy is someone I met and went out with last weekend. For the sake of having something to call him by, I'll call him Husky since he reminds me of one. I also don't have his permission to use his name anyways. :P We hit it off pretty well and found out we share a lot in common, including a love for climbing. So he invited me on a climbing trip this past weekend. It was incredibly, unbelievably amazing.
I pretty much spent my entire week waiting for Friday. There were a few good points here and there though, so it's not like the whole week was a drag.

I drove out to his city Friday evening. Husky showed me around a bit, though most of the places were closed by then. It's weird that none of the buildings in the city are allowed to be higher than the Capitol, but the shops along the State Street area were really cute. We went to a Japanese place for dinner, so my tummy was happy and ready for the next day.

Saturday morning we all headed out to a place called Devil's Lake. It was really pretty for being only 45min out of the city. And from then until 4pm we climbed. It was awesome. I used to climb a lot in Europe but since moving back to the US I just haven't had much opportunity. I love being so far away from everything; either on the water, on a cliff, or wherever. I feel like I can just forget everything about civilization and imagine this whole new world around me.  ....and wish I could fly...

It's a real rush when you're so high up and you're still climbing even higher. At some point your brain goes through moments where it panics and wonders what it is the body is doing. I would get this right before jumping in a bungee jump too. The adrenaline rush at that moment is exhilarating and worth every bit.

Yeah, the body usually ignores it...

Except, of course, until you're climbing with a bunch of fucking hornets. I think I mentioned before that I also have a phobia of bees, hornets, wasps, etc. I can't exactly explain it to others who haven't experienced a phobia first-hand, but it's pretty bad. I know it's illogical but I just can't seem to remember that in the moment of panic. I was belaying for Husky when he came down and informed me that, that particular climb might not be optimal.

I paniced the whole way up. And the hornets didn't exactly let up either. But at that point I realized if I went back down I'd have to go back through the hornets I'd already passed and I was too scared to do that at that time too. All I could hear was my uncontrolled breathing and thoughts screaming at me to run away. I started clinging to the rock, not sure whether to go up or call for Husky to let me down. I know it was probably only 10 seconds but it did feel longer when I suddenly heard him call up to me.

He talked me through most of the rest of the climb, either through encouragement, telling me where to go to avoid the hornets, or when to wait for one to pass. As soon as I could touch the top I called out to him and he had me back down faster than I think I could have just outright dropped. Lol. Luckily he had on his gloves. 

Honestly, it was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm not sure I could do it again but I'm kind of proud of myself too...though at the same time I feel like it was incredibly insane...

That evening we all gathered around the fire for food stuffs, stories, jokes, smore makings, and general camping fun. After a while he asked me if I'd like to go see some stars. The prior week we were both discussing how we grew up in the country and how the stars were the one thing I missed the most, so of course I was up for seeing some. We gathered a few others and headed down the trail. Honestly, I've seen the Milky Way tons of times. I grew up seeing it in my back yard every night, and yet, every time I see it again my breath is taken away as though it were the first time. I don't even remember what I was thinking as my mind went completely blank when we stepped into the clearing. It was truly a sight.

My picture will never even come within 1-tenth of giving the real thing justice. My face pretty much stayed that way until we left back for camp.

The next day we all got up for breakfast and discussed where we could climb. I scored some leftover beer brats from dinner and roasted them over the fire for an awesome breakfast sausage to go with my eggs. Eventually I was roasting some for others too. I don't blame them. Fire makes everything taste better.

Unfortunately, I can't take all the credit for that idea. Husky was the first one to do it the previous night for dinner. They were still delicious though.

Climbing that day was great too. I managed to do a particularly hard climb for my level, though there were moments where I doubted myself and wondered if I should give up. Glad I didn't. The feeling of hitting the top felt really great.

I even managed to get a teeny bit lost with 2 others, while trying to find the trail where everyone else went. We ended up doing some bouldering down and around the mountain, trying to get back up. It was a little nervous at first but we all spotted each other and figured we'd eventually run into something. Turns out our absence was noticed and Husky came looking, so even if we hadn't found the path he would have probably found us. Eventually we made our way to the trail and back up to the others, only to repel down to the site and realize that our adventure literally lead us right under where everyone actually was.

I didn't come out completely unscathed, from the weekend, however. Not sure if it's the muscles or tendons in my arms but they tightened and hurt after the 1st of my 3 climbs. After rest they would stop, only to pick back up after another climb. I called it after climb 3 but it was ok, as I was pretty pleased with myself by that point. They're still sore today, as are my left leg muscles which I over-worked on the hike back down. It was all totally worth it though. I really enjoyed every minute of it and am really happy I had the chance to go. Now I'm just wondering how I'll adjust back to normal life after such a fun adventure.

Back in the swing and a little about me

Well! Again it's been a couple of weeks but I am working hard to lessen the gap. I do have valid excuses this time.
About a month ago I was temporarily transfered to a different GameStop location to work, and it unfortunately was not a favored location. On top if that it was way more high volume than what I was used to and the stress of that ended up taking a huge hit on my immune system. I ended up coming down with a shitty, shitty case of strep throat. My throat looked like a goddamn snow storm. The infection was so bad that it ate through the lining in my tonsils and then I had a hole there for a few days as well. Of course the doctor was just thrilled to take a swab. Glad my suffering could provide someone some amusement. I ran fevers around 102 and was out for about 5 days before the antibiotics finally took effect. Needless to say I wasn't in the mood to blog.

The whole experience did however get me realizing that the amount of grief and stress that I put up with at GameStop, for the amount that I got paid for as a manager, was just no longer worth the strain it was putting on my mental and physical health. So I sat down for a few days and crunched some numbers. Turns out my financial aid from school, if budgeted correctly, would fully cover for my rent until June. I realized that my cleaning job, which is all my own time schedule, could then cover any misc bills and hopefully also a bit extra for saving. If I'm really smart about it all I could save up through the school year to also then cover for rent in the summer, effectively making it so that I wouldn't need my GameStop job at all.
So what did I do? I happily waltzed into my job and put in my 2 weeks. It was one of the best days of my year. It felt like a weight had been lifted. I honestly think it was one of the best decisions I could have made. Removing that from my schedule not only removed that amount of stress I was experiencing but also suddenly gave me a lot more time to do the things I wanted. Now I'm motivated to do art again so I'll of course be starting my business back up and selling some things on Etsy. I also FINALLY applied and, as of yesterday, was accepted to be a research assistant in a psych lab on campus! Woo! Time to finally do some SCIENCE!

I'm super thrilled about that one, but also almost equally thrilled that I was even able to join a sports team this year. I'm now officially on the college women's rugby team! I'll be doing that this fall and spring, probably soccer and softball in the summer as well. I love being back into sports, and I've already got a couple of cleat marks and bruises to show off. XD

Speaking of school, it started again as of last week so that would explain why there was no post then either. I'm trying to get my schedule set and get in the swing of things. I really, really, really don't want to fall behind in the readings again. I'm going to try really hard to keep the ADHD at bay, so keep your fingers crossed. :/ I'm taking Advanced Statistics and Neuropsychology. Should prove interesting. My neuro professor is big on addictions and drug reactions in the brain. The below picture was one I did last year after learning about a few drugs, but it seems appropriate to post now.

Other than those things I've really been just enjoying myself. I went to the Renaissance Fair with some friends, for the first time, and totally adored it. I ended up volunteering to wearing a chain mail bikini skirt thing, which was a lot of fun to show off and boosted my ego a bit. I also scored a really cute bodice with blueberries on it. :)

No word on any romantic front, and I think I'm ok with that. Still not interested in jumping into any relationships yet. A small part of me kind of does but it usually gets overridden still by everything else. I figure its best not to force anything and whenever I feel ready is when I do. Have been on a few more dates with other guys since that last time when my keys mysteriously got locked in my car. I'm happy to say I haven't done that since. Lol. I did see a guy this past Sat, from the next big city over from mine, and not only had a ton of fun but was also really impressed. He was nicely dressed, intelligent, and actually enjoys a lot of the same things I do. He'd never been to my city so I had the opportunity of showing someone around, which was equally enjoyable for me as well. I agreed to join him for a rock climbing trip with his school club this next weekend. I haven't been climbing in several years but I'm stoked nonetheless to get back into it again. Not that I needed any more incentive than that, but climbing with a friend sure is nice too. I'm hoping, despite the distance, that we can hang out more.

For all the positive things happening the only negative is my tics have been acting up lately and I don't know why. Usually they'll spike when I'm stressed or when something is bothering me but I can't pin-point anything right now that could be the culprit. Today is the first day in a week that they've settled down a bit, and that's solely due to the fact that Ben was super kind yesterday and rubbed my wrist for a bit to keep the muscles from injuring themselves due to all the jerking.

In case you were wondering my tics are motor and vocal. The motor usually consists of wrist, thumb, arm, and leg jerks, head movements, and face grimaces. The vocal is all incoherent sounds like hissing, snorts, grunts, air blowing, etc. No, I don't swear. The media has really skewed that belief on the Tourettes disorder. It's a really rare strand and honestly I feel sorry for the ones that do have that. It's hard enough having a normal lifestyle sometimes with mine, but I can't imagine theirs.

I also just realized I probably haven't discussed this much, mainly because I'm only just recently getting more relaxed about telling others about that part of myself. I mentioned it briefly in my first post and here and there but not in very much depth. I actually have 5 neurological disorders; Tourette's Syndrome, ADHD, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), Dythsimic disorder, and a Learning disorder not otherwise specified. This of course makes me a great candidate for psychology and probably explains why I'm interested in finding effective forms of therapy for others like me, that aren't medication. The problem I faced was there was no one drug that helped all of them. Usually only one would be helped while the others got worse or had no effect. At 23 I gave up on meds and have been working on managing it all myself through cognitive and behavioral therapy with my therapist.
The problem is many people either don't know or don't understand, and in both cases tend to give negative responses because of it. So I've grown to keep it to myself and either make something up if someone notices or just change the subject. This is especially true for the tics. I've been judged a lot for no reason and it can be pretty hurtful at times.
The other disorders are usually easier for people to understand. I'm fairly active and bouncy so no one really minds the hyperactivity but there are times when my inattentiveness can bother a few or get me in trouble. GameStop was one where I couldn't always focus on what the customer was saying because of all the other noises going on in the store. Luckily, because the OCD is the personality kind many people just assume my obsessive need to keep things organized is just an amusing personality quirk. Thanks to my therapist I'm much more ok with admitting when depression is hitting me, with the Dythsimic disorder. For those who don't know, it's really just a much more mild form of the depression disorders.
The learning disorder is the only other one that causes problems for me. For some reason I have a ton of trouble remembering or learning something when there is no application for it. Names are a biggie. If I don't know someone for a long time, and I have they're contact in my phone, I'll need a picture attached to it or I'll forget who they are...which is embarrassing at times. Same for names of things or concepts. If it's just presented to me as is I won't get it and will need it explained in a different fashion, which always seems to astound people who think I should get what they consider basic info. Of course schoolwork is harder because of this. However, if anything is presented in in a way that I understand not only will I get it but my processing speed and comprehension of it go way up. My therapist made me take a whole bunch of tests last spring and my IQ is apparently quite high in this regard, but suffers when it's not explained in the way that I learn. This is why Statistics comes so easily for me whereas basic math facts usually don't. I get really tired though of "that look" I get when someone asks me something about a particular thing and because it's just a name of someone or something I don't know it. I'll get that look and usually a "really? you don't know that?" in a tone like 'are you that oblivious?" Drives me crazy.

ANYWAYS! Didn't particularly plan on talking about myself much in this post but it happened anyways, and I suppose I feel a little better getting it out. Like I said, I've been getting a lot better about not minding telling people about it all...probably due to my therapist. Being in the psych program also puts me around other individuals who tend to be more fascinated by me rather than judgmental. Having a great group of friends now, who just don't care what I am, helps a lot too.

Speaking of friends here is Dante in a cute lolita dress, and Steph arguing against social networking sites that aren't very social.

Not much else to report. Had a great time at our weekly anime night yesterday since a lot of people came. I drew my cat Sachi, as well as yet another of Ben on the couch. He has a habit of putting his feet on my lap when he stretches out. I don't really mind, but it's amusing anyways.

 

This last one is just a joke on my smartphone. My notification for texts tends to provide fun for others.