While I'd like to say I just got busy and distracted and forgot that's unfortunately not entirely true. This is going to be a tough post because a LOT has happened since last May.
For starters I am officially back. Hurray! I plan on updating at least once a week, as usual, or more if I deem fit. I think it'll be good for my sanity as well, and I'm sure my therapist would agree. Speaking of which, poor thing will never be without work while I'm around. Lol. Been seeing her for over a year now, and for good reason. Originally I was visiting her for the usual; getting too distracted in school from the ADHD, occasional depression was coming and going, and stress from life and school was becoming a problem. My tourrette's wasn't too much of a problem and the OCPD was manageable, so really I only expected to see her for about half a year or maybe a little longer...
Of course that's not how life works sometimes. Hence the title of this post. It seems the easy straight ball that I had originally thought my life to be turned into one big massive curve ball....and then it just became one 90+ mph ball after another.
Lets start with the hardest part.
Hubby and I got divorced. Things were never always fantastic between us since we both actually had very different personalities. The only thing we definitely had in common was that we were artists, but even then I was 3D and he was 2D. He was introverted I wasn't. I liked cartoons and anime and he definitely did not. All of our likes and dislikes differed and neither one of us preferred the other's tastes. Without even realizing it, our opposite personalities became more like poison to the other, rather than complementing. I battled depression the whole time we were together, and he did for a while too. Around last summer we were arguing more than usual. It finally came to a head when around October I fiiiiinally started breaking through some of the depression and make my own friends, after 2yrs of living here without any. I'm a very social person but terrible at actually finding friends. Probably from moving around so much. I'm getting much better, but anyways... I obviously started hanging out with my friends during the free time that I used to always spend just hanging out in our apartment. At first Hubby supported this but I think over time having me be what I usually am (or rather, was before he and I were together), which is an "up and go" type, was more than he was used to from me, which was always in the apartment not really going anywhere except work and school. So my friends became a subject of arguments too.
Honestly, the true reality of it was we were just too different but also too stubborn to admit it for so long. We probably shouldn't have gone much longer after college but we did love each other and I guess we both assumed marriage was the next step. These things happen and sometimes you don't know if it's going to work until you're knee deep into it, unfortunately.
To make a long story short he moved out last December and as of this past May the divorce was officially finalized in court and I am back to being single.
At first I thought I should get back on the horse and date again but that ended not so super well and to be honest, since then, I'm now so unwilling to even come close to the word relationship anymore because I just don't want to deal with everything it comes with right now. I know it's not the best and I'm sure it makes my therapist cringe but really I just don't want to trust someone that much anymore, or deal with any feelings with another person like that, or risk jumping too much too fast into something, or above all else getting hurt again.
But! It's actually not so bad. Once I realized I was totally ok with no relationships I've been rather enjoying myself with the whole single thing and just seeing the occasional guy here and there. Or hell, flirting just for the fun of it is something I didn't get to do much and it's a lot of fun. Although my parents did raise me right so I'm definitely not being the single-going-crazy-sleep-around-with-anyone type. Lol! Actually I've never been single, ever. Since I was 16 I've been in back to back serious, exclusive relationships. So I really think being single, spending even more time for myself, and just enjoying everything single-ness comes with is a really great thing for me right now. Though it did take several months to arrive to that conclusion.... I wasn't always on this bandwagon but I am glad I'm there now.
So where am I now? Well I ended up moving in with my friends I mentioned earlier and that's where I currently reside. I love them all. They're definitely the best group of guys and girl could hope to have as roommates and friends. I don't think I would have had it any other way. We have our moments, of course, but they really are the best at being there for you, even when you don't need them...and during the December-May time frame I sure as hell needed them.
Stan and Walter are super, duper cute. I'm becoming more and more convinced that Ben really just might be a robot, like everyone says, but he has his moments of emotion so I'm not sure just yet. Perhaps an adorable, fluffy cyborg is more accurate... All of them deal with computers or tech in some form. Not only do they all work with the techy world but they're all really good at it, so I'm literally surrounded by super geniuses. At least that's how I feel at times since that language is just plain foreign to me.
And my kitties are of course with me too! Hubby took the Xbox and TV while I got the cats, which in my opinion was the better end of that deal. :) In fact they've integrated nicely into the household with Stan and Walter's 4 other kitties. Haha! So yes. In our house we have 6 cats....and the cat hair I clean every week is never ending. (Sonic and Sachi are mine)
As for my life I'm doing a lot better as of late. Of course I'm still fluctuating between missing the life I had and realizing I'm better off now. Everyone says that's normal so I guess I have no choice but to believe them.
School is going great and I'm currently going through a GRE prep course to prepare me for that beast of a test this fall. My grades have still been fantastic, even when Ben gave me Mono last spring and I had to drop one of my classes just to manage the other one. Still passed the class with a B+...cause I'm just that awesome. Not even Mono can touch this! Hehe. This fall will be a test though. Last fall I took a required course in Psychological Statistics and not only fell in love but got an A, which is apparently really hard for anyone...according to the professor and everyone else I talked to. So since therapy and helping random people with their problems doesn't appeal to me I'm thinking of going into the research side of psychology, specifically in stats. I still plan on using my art/plush-work to find an effective form of therapy but I really like stats. So this fall, on top of Neuropsychology, I plan on taking an advanced psych stats course to see if that's what I really want. Should be boat loads of fun. :)
Socially, I've never been better. On top of the boys I now have the best network of friends that I've ever had. Not only do I have some really great relationships through the guys but I finally got the guts to go onto one of those online "meet people" websites in search of my own friends. I really wanted my own group of friends that I met on my own, rather than through others. I was specific in my profile about not wanting a relationship and so far it's really paid off. Not only have I made some really great friends from it but I've also gotten to go out on a few dates with some really interesting guys.
In a future post I'll have some pictures of all my friends. Want to try and not make this post so super long. :/
Art wise I'm slowly getting back into things. I was asked to submit some 2D work to a gallery so I've been working on a series of paintings in my style of translating music into visual form. Again, something to go into more detail in a later post. Plush work is slow. I was pretty depressed for a while even before all hell broke lose between Hubby and I, so I'm just now finding the motivation again to do that.
And finally I actually got the will and determination to start working out and eating right. I suppose divorce can have that effect but really I just finally realized I really, really wanted this for myself and no one else, which was the problem I was having before. I have to give some credit to my brother who was pushing me a lot in the beginning. Without him I probably would have never even started. Now I really do run all the time, just like my old poem I wrote several posts ago said I would. Lol.
So yeah. This year wasn't exactly the greatest but, you know, it wasn't the worst either. I still wish life would fuck off sometimes. But I guess that's part of what it is. At least now I've come equipped with my trusty wooden bat and plan on whacking those fast balls right back where the sun don't shine. :P
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